Anal sex tips: benefits, how to start & staying comfortable

Anal sex is one of those topics that tends to bring up a mix of curiosity, nerves and a hundred unanswered questions. Maybe it's crossed your mind before. Maybe your partner brought it up. Or maybe you're just wondering what all the fuss is about. Whatever brought you here, you're in very good company.

It's far more mainstream than it used to be, yet it still carries just enough of a taboo to feel a little daring — and that hint of "should I?" is often exactly what makes it so appealing. Forbidden or off-limits sex is a surprisingly common fantasy. There's something about doing what feels "unconventional" that can be seriously arousing on its own.

Anal sex isn't actually forbidden or wrong, of course. But if it's never been part of your sexual norm, or if you grew up with certain ideas about it, it can easily feel that way — which is exactly why we're unpacking it properly here.

There's no single reason women get curious about anal play. For some, it's pure curiosity. For others, it's about new sensations, extra intensity, or discovering something new together with a partner.

Trying something new as a couple can also build intimacy — not necessarily through the act itself, but through the conversation around it. Talking openly about desires, boundaries and fantasies tends to bring couples closer, regardless of whether you ever actually try it.

Here's some good news: anal play isn't something you can only do with a partner. Solo exploration is not just possible, it's often the smartest place to start. Without anyone else's expectations to think about, it's much easier to tune into what actually feels good to you and where your boundaries sit.

The benefits of exploring anal play on your own include:

• you set the pace, entirely
• you can stop the second you want to
• you get to know your own body better
• you find out what kind of touch you actually enjoy
• it builds confidence for later, with a partner if you choose to

Think of it as deepening your relationship with your own body, whether or not a partner ever enters the picture.

For a lot of women, anal play is worth exploring because it offers a different flavour of pleasure than vaginal stimulation. The area around the anus is dense with nerve endings, which is exactly why touch there can feel so intense.

That intensity can translate into powerful orgasms or a deep, full-body sense of arousal — especially when combined with clitoral stimulation. Many women describe the resulting orgasm as feeling noticeably different from what they're used to: deeper, more diffuse, occasionally overwhelming in the best way.

That combination is often what makes anal play worth trying at all. Not because it's expected of you, but because it can open up a genuinely new dimension of pleasure.

These anal sex tips aren't about doing everything at once — they're about starting small and letting things build naturally. If you've never tried anal play before, start small. A fingertip or a small butt plug is more than enough to begin with — there's absolutely no rush to go further than that.

A good build-up looks like starting with external touch: circling the area around the anus and slowly working closer to the entrance, only moving inward once that feels genuinely good.

With anal sex, just like with any other kind of sex, foreplay isn't optional — it's the foundation. When your body is already aroused and relaxed, everything that follows feels better.

Think:

• kissing
• massage
• oral sex
• teasing
• slowly building anticipation

Foreplay helps your body release tension and drop into sensation, which makes anal play more comfortable and, frankly, more enjoyable.

If there's one piece of advice worth remembering above all others, it's this: use lube, and use plenty of it. Unlike other parts of the body, this area doesn't produce its own natural lubrication, so extra glide is essential for comfort. Skip it, and things can get uncomfortable or even painful, fast.

The NHS backs this up too, recommending a good water-based lubricant for anal sex specifically because it reduces friction and lowers the risk of small tears. Our long-lasting lubricant is designed exactly for this: smooth, silky glide that keeps working session after session, so you never have to stop and reapply mid-moment.

It might not sound like the sexiest advice, but talking about sex is genuinely hot — and it's essential for making sure everyone involved actually enjoys themselves.

Before you get started, it's worth discussing:

• what you're curious about
• what you're unsure or nervous about
• what you find exciting
• where your boundaries are

Open communication builds trust, and trust is what allows both of you to relax into it. Brook has some excellent, judgement-free guidance on how to start these conversations if it still feels a bit awkward.

Here's the most important thing to know: (anal) sex should never actually hurt. A little unfamiliarity or mild discomfort can happen, especially the first few times, but genuine pain is your body telling you to stop.

Pain usually comes down to one of a few things:

• moving too fast
• tension in the body
• not enough lubricant
• not enough arousal beforehand

None of that is a reason to panic. It usually just means your body needs a bit more time. Pause, breathe out, and only continue once it feels right again. Reaching for a generous, long-lasting lubricant makes every movement smoother and more comfortable, and it also helps prevent the small tears that friction can cause — which matters just as much for your comfort in the moment as it does for your longer-term sexual health.

Anal sex isn't something you need to feel shame about, and it definitely doesn't have to be painful. Approached with relaxation, curiosity and honest communication, it can be a genuinely great addition to your sex life — solo or with a partner, whenever you're ready and not a moment before.